Mich
Mehs
24031992
DARCH student


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When I woke up today, I felt shattered. Pieces of me breaking up, and as I shuffled along everywhere I go, I feel small parts of me disintegrating into the wind.

When I went out, I felt that the afternoon sun was trying to beat me down. Everything felt aggressive in an unnecessary way. I have no idea why I felt this way.

This isn't me.

Where'd me go?

I think its just fantastic my friends have blogs. It's just great. I mean say if we're not together with each other, not talking, we can still know what the other person's thinking, going through and stuff like that.

It keeps me entertained and updated.

If my blog is what their blogs mean to me, then updating my blog often is well, like a 'duty' of sorts. There's no right word for it. Maybe I'll invent a word for it.

Yusaifna. Ok that was random.

Try reading it aloud. I'd say yu-sai-fa-na. What about you?

Finally school's over. Dad offered me a salary of $40/ day if I worked for him in the holidays. I was like, wow, when was the salary ever so high.

Then it turned out that he knew I was desperately pining for those books on architecture. 3 books cost over $200.

Crud. But I tell you, those books are big, huge, gigantic, gianormous. Except for 1 small pocket book.

I can finally get the books I want! Like finally after @&#*(@&#*(days of pining for it.

Read Addi's blog, re-read it a few times before affirming that I'm getting the opposite reaction to his.

Every small thing gets blown up too big for me to see properly. Maybe it'll end when the holidays start and the idyllic mood sets in for me again.

I need my composure back.

I woke up today, not going to school but staying at home instead. No doubt I am regretting the mistake now, because at home I let my thoughts loose. Probably not good if you've got submissions tommorrow. But I didn't care much now, as I do every other time. 'Next time I'll be better, I promise' to myself.

Then again I've read somewhere that 'promises, like lives can be bought oh-so-very cheap.' I've had one primary school kid (imagine) on messenger wanting to buy a life for $5.20. I sigh as I ignored him and closed the messenger window before going on with my work.

I've got studies to complete, sketches to be drawn, and an essay to write.

YY once asked, 'In the state you're in now, would you prefer mugging or examinations?'

'Examinations, throw me one anytime.'

'What if it's something you totally detest, like maths?'

'Sure, anything but THIS.

It's more predictable, exams are always exams. There are always hotter topics, probability that you can bet on. Take a risk, have a gamble, and wait for the clear result. With this I can never feel too bad if I fail. I can always reassure myself that it was just a lost gamble.'

With this, I can never take a gamble because there are no clear bets to bet on. Too many factors are involved, and its not just the 'book, you and test'. It's 'you, design, decisions, presentation, audience-response'.

What can be marked in a test? Your answers. Perhaps your handwriting and legibility.

What can be marked in a critique? Practically everything. Even your behaviour can be hauled up and taken for a beating.

I have no more acrylic left, and I don't want to go all the way down to Orchard just to get that piece of acrylic. But without that I am stuck. And stuck I am, since I woke up at 7+.

Fug, I'm like just sitting down here wasting my bloody life away when I have submission on Friday. Sure, they extended it. So what. I'm procrastinating in response to that.

I hate that, but all the bones in me are lazy bones.

Screw myself. I deserved every bit of this mess.

I'm losing things. Who knows when I will lose everything.

I glued myself to my laptop just now.

I shall not take breaks from gluing stuff half-way from now onwards. It's just too dangerous.

I've been like using improper English like 'I iz', 'I haz', 'You haz'. I used to twit for a short period of time for fun (to impersonate and to confuse during the holidays.)

Twit is alright because it only changes your spelling, grammar wise it didn't hurt much. I mean. Heh. /:

But using improper is another thing altogether.

Where's my Pepper Lunch? /:

What, I even THINK architecture now?

It's actually a facade. What's reflected on the facade might not be relevant to the spaces inside.

Actually, I know that you need alot of patience and stuff with architecture. And I also sort of understand that what you input might not always generate similar an output.

But the really BAD stuff happens when you go out to work. o-o

Then again, let's just wait and see.

I just spammed my cbox. No need to post here.

What does this blog mean to me? What does it mean to my readers who've read it?

It's actually a facade. What's reflected on the facade might not be relevant to the spaces inside. I still can't seem to bare all my thoughts out. Now all my thoughts are threatening to burst out, like how a dam does when the water pressure behind it is too much for it to bear. It's been raining too much.

Disasterous consequences always seem to follow.

Ideas, run to me.

Embrace me with open arms and let me hug you, I swear I'd never let you go.

If only I'm doing something related to literature. I'm effing screwed with only words running through my head.

My blog's been dead recently and well, I tried.

Been having this drought in my brain, see. /: Severely lacking creativity and ideas. It's so bad, I go to bed wondering how to do my hub.

Yes, I have become that lifeless. I'm a little bit sad for myself. But hey, what needs to be done, must be done.

By the way, I really am interested in eating that pepper lunch.